You read that right.. You guys, I DID IT I think about when I started this little blog, it was 2016 and I was trying to “find myself” like every 19 year old. News flash, I’m still trying to find myself but we’ve come a long way since then. I think graduating college is a HUGE  deal, for everyone, but it feels especially big for me. Ive shared some of my story here on my blog. You can read it here.

The over all story is that none of this was supposed to happen. Not even close, and I’m not going to sit here and beat a dead horse. I was in an accident as a child and was diagnosed with a very particular learning disability. The doctors kindly told my parents I’d never be able to drive, go to college or live a normal life on my own. Defining all odds, and with the help of, hands down, thee most incredibly, supportive, loving family, I made it through, we made it through.

I was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, that lead to things like memory loss, absolutely no comprehension of math or numbers in general and some social set backs. I thrived in places like the art room, I was at a 7th grade reading and vocabulary level and most days, I had my nose in a book. I was bullied pretty heavily by both my classmates and my third grade teacher. I remember one day she looked at me right in the eyes, and said “I pity retarted children like you, you will never make it in life.” I plan on mailing a copy of my diploma to her :).  I was then moved to small rehabilitation school where I was cared for and got back on my feet. Then I moved into a small private school with a program set for me and my learning set backs.

SIDE NOTE: To be honest, I struggle with wishing someone had pushed me harder, because I feel like we were babied in some of these programs but I also know that this is all part of my journey, and I am really thankful. Skills like determination, work ethic and discipline were never implemented literally because everyone felt bad for us an we could make any excuse we wanted to get out of anything.

Moving on, I was an athlete in high school, managed to some how place 11th in the state of Florida for swimming and graduated high school. Things were looking good for me, I went into college and wanted to study marine bio, and a few weeks before my invigorating Miami Dade College experience started, my parents announced they were splitting up. I was S H O C K E D. My dad and I lived together for that year.. I partied..hard, gave myself to people who did not care, drank until I weighed like 94 pounds, never, and I mean never, slept. I was angry at everyone, I stopped talking to my three best friends and spent time doing stupid things that left me feeling depressed and gross the next day. My parents ended up getting back together (crazy right??) and I got a job coaching swimming. I started going to church and ended up in a woman Bible study I fell in love with everything about Jesus and a burning fire set deep in my soul. I gave my life to christ on July 12th, 2017, on the beach at sunrise. This was at the beach across the street from PBA, the college that I would then transfer to, attend and graduate from in the next year (God KNEW).

Now, let me be clear, just because I gave my life to Christ, became a christian, used the right language, dressed right and read my bible, DOES NOT MEAN SHIT STILL HIT THE FAN AND CONTINUES TO HIT THE FAN. I refuse to tell you that life is hunky dory and everything is good. But it’s something so much deeper than that. It gives you the opportunity to rely on a Savior, when crap does hit the fan. Going into PBA I decided to switch from my three years of early childhood education to Christian Social Ministry (Social work and Ministry had a baby). I loved what I studied and really felt like it was what God wanted me to do, but on the flip side, I still have no idea what I want to do, does that make sense? Its not like nursing or teaching where you just hop right in, its this weird limbo of trying to figure out.. what now? While I was at PBA, my depression and anxiety were the worst they’ve ever been in my life. in September I relapsed (we use the same language, it had nothing to do with drugs, it essentially means I got incredibly dark and fell into an episode). This relapse episode lasted; I’d confidently say until December or so. I was incredibly off, I stopped going to leadership meetings, I stopped talking to people I cared about and to people who cared about me. I pushed everyone away. My anxiety would spike and then I’d have, what I call, a depression hangover. This was excruciating.

I really, truly believe I wouldn’t have made it without God (obs) and my friends and family. I do not think I would be here, like on earth, or a college graduate without the support I needed. Im not trying to flaunt all the things I’ve accomplished, instead, if you’re reading this, I hope you think “ok, I can do this too”. It became a choice for me to get better and work through the anxiety. Now when I say anxiety, Im not saying like palms sweaty and a stomach in a knot. Usually, my episodes were uncontrollable shaking, vomiting, sobbing, dizziness, kicking and screaming, zero understanding of time and space and after an episode I usually pass out and sleep. But we made it…we made it because we worked through it.

So, on that note, new things will begin. Lots of new things, and Im really excited for them. Im thinking blog Wednesdays might make a comeback! Be on the lookout for my next blog post all about my “what next?” and dreams I have that only my journal and a few friends know about. And get excited, things are going to shift, I can feel it in my bones! GUYS I GRADUATED!!!!

Love&light,

Liv

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