Today I woke up late, rushed to get to school while swallowing tears; and had to muster up the courage to be as present as I could be at a work meeting. I forced myself to cook lunch..and eat it, and then dragged myself back to school to try and work on a paper I had been putting off for far too long. I kept saying how bad I wanted to cancel my spin class and pump out my paper or just go home and forget the world, maybe I just needed to “sleep it off”. But I chose to teach, listening to that small voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should press on and at least show up. I shoved my air pods in and pressed a scowl on to everyone that had the guts to make eye contact with me. I stomped around the conditioning room and made sure to make it evident to everyone that. I was PISSED AT THE WORLD. As soon as I saw my girls come in, I listened to the weekly chatter about the latest news on grades, crushes, events happening on campus and how they all couldn’t believe it was already the middle of February. I half smiled at some of the new faces in the room and plugged my music in…and nothing…no music, no sound. I could feel the tears well up in my throat as I just thought “perfect this is just PERFECT”. I got us started, we spun in silence with only the sound of breathing and the wheels of our bikes turning After a few minuets I started to laugh, and almost cried! Maintenance ended up helping a sister out and after about 10 very awkward minuets, the music gushed from the speakers and I knew we could get started. The girls were such champs and cheered when the music finally came on. We started quick and really got our blood pumping fast, due to missing our warm up because of a stupid music hiccup.

As we were spinning I realized two things:

1. I am 100% certain working out heals my depression (for the time being). I stand firm in that statement and believe it to be true FOR ME.
2. Working out also makes me feel so empowered, sexy and confident.

So let’s start with the first one because I know that was a bold statement. I realized that exercise completely turns my mood around and Im talking like big exercise not like just a bike ride to school because that is like getting somewhere not exercising for me, if that makes sense. But really, really working out, sweating and moving. Its been a while of knowing this and even when I don’t feel like I want to work out (and I often say omg I don’t really want to teach I just want to turn into sand) I still do and E V E R Y T I M E I do, I feel like my entire mood has shifted for the better! In coming to this conclusion, I realized that my mornings and evenings are the hardest and often times when I feel the heaviest in my depression, and I came to this realization that I think I always knew but was always fearful of implementing and that starting off my morning with like really, really working out. I think this could change so much but I also think that this would be hard because I’d need to cut a significant amount of time out of my morning and that makes me nervous, given that I’m not a morning person. Anyways, so thats point one!

The next one is kind of funny and I’m sure some of the other ladies reading this or even guys might be able to relate?? Call me crazy, but as I was spinning, and as I was like motivating and encouraging my students in the class I felt so empowered and sexy! Now listen, personally, it take a lot for me to get there, especially in the last few months of being sick and uncomfortable all the time but for the first time a while I was “feeling myself” (as the youth might say). I couldn’t help but to flip my hair and watch my body move to the music. To me, spinning has always been almost like dancing, and if you’ve ever been to a spin class, especially to one where the instructor is “feeling themself” then you would know that it is almost contagious. I always want to make freedom of emotions clear in my class. I always tell my girls they are free and safe to laugh, cry, scream, get angry or whatever their heart feels in my class because thats what exercise does to us sometimes!

I am so thankful I get to do something that brings me joy and challenges me. So next time you feel down, turn on some bangin music, and kick box, or spin, or lift weight, or crush a youtube workout or go for a hard run and SWEAT IT OUT! You won’t regret it. Let me know what helps you push through your down days in the comments and remember to subscribe to my blog so that you get an email whenever I post, I love writing for you all and I love sharing small pieces of my life with you! Thanks for reading!

Liv